Glad so many of you enjoyed yesterday’s April Fool’s
email. You flooded our office with some pretty great
retorts.
One thing I’d like to clear up though. Well, actually a
couple things.
First, the amount of time I spend with family. A good
many people wrote to tell me I needed to take time off
to spend with my wife and kids – showing they believed
the first part of the April Fool’s email.
Second, many people also believed that I really do work
all the time – 24/7/365.
I can easily understand why these two statements “got”
so many – even though they are not true.
Let me explain:
I spend an average of 16 hours per week taking my son
to various sports and activities – which I then stay around
to watch. While driving him to and fro I talk to him about
many things – including what it takes to become a champion.
I talk about desire, imagination, goals, having an “I CAN and
I WILL” attitude. I also talk to him about the books he’s reading
and the things he’s learning on his own.
These 16 hours are not even close to the total time I spend with
my kids because I live and work at home. I see them off to school;
I see them immediately after school. Except for when I take a few
days off to write in seclusion, I am always around my children.
In the summer we are at our vacation home on China’s Hainan
Island. This year I wanted to stay the full three months but
because Frank starts playing football in early August, I will
come back with him earlier. His goal to play football comes
BEFORE my goal to stay in China the entire summer.
I don’t spend as much time with my daughter as I do with my
son as I believe my wife knows how to raise a little girl better
than I do – and I know how to raise a boy better than she does.
I think it is TRAGIC that young boys today get very little male
influence.
I believe one of the reasons so many men aren’t manly today
is due to the fact that they had very little training from MEN.
Their fathers worked all the time or showed little interest in
in their lives.
There are things a boy must learn through transmission from
his father. And being tough, rugged and individualistic are at
the core of what a father is supposed to be teaching his son.
When his son whines, a father needs to tell him to shut up.
When his son cries, he needs a father who smiles at him and
tells him to focus.
More importantly, when a boy gives it everything he has and
fails, when his heart is broken, he needs a father who puts
his arm around him and tells him he understands. He needs
a father who will sit with him and explain that part of life
is making mistakes and failing – and those who become
great are those who RISE ABOVE the pain of defeat. He needs
a father who will tell him that if he continues to give it his
best effort – he will be a success no matter what the score
board or score card reads.
A mother’s influence is HUGE – and no man can ever give to
his child – any child – the type of love and affection a devoted
mother gives. But a good father give his children other qualities
which are naturally more highly developed in men.
Even with the above said, I still believe I spend more time with
my daughter than most parents do today. And when my wife
is away and I’m left with both children, what a great thrill to
know they feel safe, secure and loved by me.
As for how much time I spend working. Well, that depends on
how you define work.
In my world, I don’t work at all. I practice my writing. I practice
martial arts, wrestling, fitness.
Everything is practice. Not work.
I believe the “work hard” mentality causes limited thinking and
reduces your ability to succeed.
True, if you were to observe me in my office, you would probably
say, “My God, he works his ass off.” But if you were to be inside
my skin, rummaging around in my brain, I doubt you’d think
that way.
In John Wooden’s Pyramid of Success the two corner stones are
hard work and enthusiasm. Wooden says no one ever succeeds
without combining hard work and enthusiasm. That’s why the
legendary coach put them as corner stones.
I agree with him, with one major distinction. Just as a combination
of two hydrogen atoms with one oxygen atom creates something
different: water – when you combine hard work with enthusiasm
you no longer have hard work. You have a “labor of love.”
Dan Gable talks about hard work as well. These are the words we’ve
been taught to use. But if you’ve ever watched Gable train, it is
obvious that he LOVES what he’s doing. He may choose to call
it hard work – but people who work hard do not go into ecstatic
trances and lose track of time. That’s LOVE and PASSION for what
you do.
On the occasion in which I FEEL I’m working hard, I know I’m on
the wrong track because nothing flows. When I relax and let the
energy move through me, on the outside it may appear to be
hard work – but inside it is effortlessness.
Well, my friend, it’s time for me to go make a DVD with Dr.
Bill Stillwell. It’ll be great fun.
In the meantime, make sure you enroll in my fitness seminar
this coming May – http://GetTough.com – as it will be a huge
turning point in your life.
No matter how good you’re doing – or how bad – I am committed
to making you better.
Matt Furey